APPARENTLY, YOU CAN PUT A PRICE ON A GOOD EDUCATION

I went through all of the steps prescribed to build a perfect life: Miss Goody Two Shoes throughout my youth. Undergraduate degree on full scholarship. Marriage to my college sweetheart. Graduate degree while working full time. Birthing of not one, but two perfect little men. Decision to stay home to mold their little minds as much as possible before "the system" got a hold of them.

Little did I know as I went through these motions that my life would one day be reduced to hawking exorbitantly priced cookie dough and wrapping paper so that our kids could enjoy a public (read: supposedly tax-funded) education. Seriously, this is ridiculous! $13.50 for a box of cookie dough? $12 for enough wrapping paper to wrap (maybe) two packages of Spider Man underwear? $25 for a bud vase I swear I saw at Dollar General? I mean, just ask me for a donation and spare me the humiliation of peddling such wares.

You might ask why, if I am so opposed, did I email you asking for your patronage. Two reasons: 1) See MGTS reference above. I mean, hello?, the teacher and principal said that I had to. 2) Both fortunately and unfortunately depending on the circumstance, you are genetically obligated to buy this crap and act delighted to do so.

Never fear, I did my part and ordered some cookie dough, wrapping paper, and a tape gun. The bad news is that we won't have any birthday presents to wrap for Aidan because I blew the budget on these things. The good news is that he won't miss them because he'll be rewarded with a craptabulous Shrek flying disk and AM radio/headphone/flashlight combo as a reward for meeting our sales goal. Furthering the irony, I don't even let the kids watch Shrek!

All that aside, Aidan and I (and all of the local taxpayers who are obviously not picking up their fair share) thank you for your support.